Daily Thoughts, Unleashed

I have nothing to really post, single subject wise. I am kinda random today. I'm exhausted from this weekend. I can't concentrate on anything for a lengthy period of time.

Random thoughts of the day...

• Guys have it easy when they get their hair cut.. Women always get criticized about their hair being dry, needing color, etc. I have priorities, and spending $30 on their special shampoo that keeps my hair from drying out, isn't one of them.

• Little drunk girls who flirt with my husband when were out, crack me up. You may be young and cute, but he didn't get me by me being easy and obvious, so chances are he isn't attracted to you being that way.

• Celebrities don't give a shit about you.

• If you died tomorrow, it'd be a sad day for..... ?

• You shouldn't have to do whatever a
woman says to be considered a good dad.

• It's hard to come up with a first name that sounds good with Jill.

• Your opinion quit mattering over a year ago & won't ever matter again.

• You said I would never make anything of myself. What are you doing to make something of yourself?

• How do you get a DWI... For real?

• I'm ready to get out of this town & onto bigger & better things.

...GoodNight!!

Let's Be Honest Here..

This is one of those things you usually see on Facebook, but who says I can't post it here, huh?! :)

20 things I'd like to say to 20 people (names unlisted)... Here we go!!!

1. You're the most incredible person I've ever met.
2. You spend way to much time on the clock.
3. I wish you still lived close.
4. Your the best thing to happen to me.
5. I don't know how you live with yourself.
6. I wish you'd quit thinking your life is so horrible.
7. You don't need a man to make you feel confident.
8. I don't know how you live with yourself (repeated on purpose).
9. Running away from your problems doesn't make them go away.
10. I can't help you because you won't help yourself.
11. Your sarcasm makes me laugh.
12. Your too smart to be doing what you do.
13. You have no morals & are two-faced from hell.
14. I hope you get married soon.
15. You worry too much about other people & should take care of yourself once in a while.
16. You are in control of yourself; nobody makes you do/say the things you do/say.
17. You are too afraid to grow up.
18. You blame others too much.
19. Selfish people don't need to be in relationships.
20. You can take anything and make it funny somehow.

What would you say to me/us? Half will probably post anonymous anyway, so go for it!! (don't be unnecessary).

:)

A job that warms the heart

One of the greatest joys in my life is working with kids. Teaching is one of the most rewarding jobs out there. Of course you always have your "problem child(ren)," but you love them all. My first job, I worked with toddlers, my last job I worked with them all, and my current job I work with 4 year olds. This is my first week with them, and I'm already getting attached to them. Today, I had a little girl who was trying to get on the slide, but the slide didn't have a ladder. She couldn't quite get up there like everyone else. I knew she could do it and that all she needed was a little instruction and encouragement. With that, she succeeded!! And every time she would do it right, she would yell for me, and let me know. She was so excited, and was clapping her hands for herself. That warmed my heart. She learned something new. Twenty-eight snotty noses, twenty-eight smiling faces, fifty-six dirty hands. All worth my day. I love my job.

People Change...

They never stay the same. I don't understand why people can't accept that. I am married. I work, cook dinner, work on school planning, do laundry/dishes, take a shower, sit down to watch tv with my husband, go to bed, wake up, and do it all over again. I am tired all the time, so when I get home, that's my time to not have to deal with other people's problems. I work with 4 year olds. I constantly have to watch them, listen to tattling, hear "hey teacher," tell them to do the same things repeatedly, etc. I don't want to deal with much. That doesn't make me a bad friend. That makes me busy. I shouldn't have to stop and text everyone in my phone to tell them everything that happens in my life. We are entitled to our privacy, for one, and with all the craziness that we deal with on a daily basis (things we shouldn't always have to explain or justify), we don't always want to talk to anyone. Oh gosh, we're married, but we don't always get to spend quality time together. So that's our relaxation time. Together. Just us. I'm sorry. If something is an emergency, yes, we'll deal with it. There's not very many ways else to say it. I'm not gonna be made to feel like a bad friend. All there is to it.

Final thought: This isn't much of a change for me. I've basically always been like this.

What If?!

As a kid, you always asked "why?" to everything an adult said. It's a phase. But when does that phase end? Does it end? For some people?

I don't ask myself "why" as much anymore as I wonder "what if?"

I've been thinking about some "what-ifs."

What if I never got sick again?
What if I had a baby out of wedlock?
What if I never left HSU after my 1st semester?
What if I never met Tyler...Where would I be?
What if I had given up on him after all the bs I put up with?
What if my dad was still here?
What if Carter was still here?
What if I was still working at
Target?
What if I was still working at TLC?
What if I fought back every time someone talked their smack to me?
What if I didn't have a supportive family?
What if I never forgave anyone for anything again?
What if I still lived at home?
What if I didn't know anything in the Bible?
What if I never experienced pain again?
What if I didn't have friends?
What if I never had another job?
What if we never got JJ?
What if we would have moved to Dardanelle when we had planned on last year?

Answer: God made my life the way it is for a reason. These things did(n't) happen because I my life was meant to be like it is now. It's crazy, but I love it!!

Things Are Coming Together

Things haven't exactly been ideal this year, but we've survived.

1. New Years Eve, the the cops got called for a noise ordinance.
2. January 5, my boss decided to jump on her menstrual cycle, and let me go.
3. January 8 was the 2 year mark of my dad being gone.
4. I waited 3 weeks to find a job I wanted.
5. Tyler got a speeding ticket. And basically was a victim of racial profiling.

But hey, we're here and still going. Things are starting to shape up. I have a job I enjoy, Tyler is still doing what he loves. It's great!!

And the best news: We are both going back to school. Tyler starts next month and I'll start back in August. He has his school over half paid for in grants and his company is paying for the rest. Pretty freakin sweet!! I'm qualified for grants as well, but I'm having to inch my way back in, seeing as how I go to school 50 miles away from where I live.

But anyway, really liking how things are going. Next month is gonna be really hectic, but we'll get through it like everything else :)

On a final note: I'M VERY PROUD OF MY HUSBAND!!!

Scholarship Fund (Idea)

One of my goals in life is to start a scholarship fund. I dream big, I know. But this is something I have really wanted to do since I lost my dad. And after Tyler lost Carter, the idea remained on the table. It takes a large amount of money to start a scholarship fund. However, it's doable. My family is one of the most together and supportive families you'll ever meet. The money and support will be there if we decide to do this. Names haven't been discussed, nor has the purpose of it been discussed. The idea is just on the table, and being heavily thought about. Feel free to send your ideas or comments our way. Especially if you are familiar with both cases, have done work like this before, or are just simply interested in helping if this becomes set-in-stone.

Thanks

Always On Our Minds & In Our Hearts

I miss you everyday, Dad.
I hope you know.
It took everything out of me
To sit there next to you and watch you go.

I was always a daddy's girl.
I loved going anywhere with you.
You were my best friend.
And the one I would run to.

I hated not having you there to walk me down the aisle.
You were supposed to give me away.
I hadn't cried about it in a while.
But it seems like you went away just yesterday.

It's been 2 years since you went on to Heaven.
I'll always miss you, whether you've been gone 5 years, 6, or 7.

Tell my stepson and mother in law I say "hi."
One day, I will be up there with y'all, high in the sky.

I love you, Dad.
I hope you know.
We'll see you again soon.
Your always in our hearts, we'll never let go.

My Indescribable Gift

"Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift." 2 Corinthians 9:15

Live. Laugh. Love. You hear it all the time. But they are all good principles to live by. Live you life to the fullest. Laugh often. Love hard. I am a very loving person. I care deeply about people in general. I always wanna help someone in need. For 21 years, God has loved me unconditionally. He has listened to me, guided me, and accepted me. He knew how badly I had been hurt after losing my dad. A few hours after I lost my dad, my boyfriend at the time, decided he couldn't do it anymore. I shut down. I didn't know what to do. I had been hurt by my stepdad, emotionally, physically, and verbally abused. I lost faith and trust in men. Then, Tyler came into my life. I truly believe God sent me Tyler to help me find the girl I used to be. He had experienced the loss of a parent, just like I had. He knew what a tough relationship was like. God brought him to me to have someone here to help me. Tyler can put so many things into perspective for me. He helps me understand things that other people can't. He has the most amazing outlook on life, despite all he has been through. I love him in so many ways. God brought me to my best friend. He works in mysterious ways. Tyler brought me back to the loving girl I am. To being the one who cares, and to make my dreams come true. He is my indescribable gift. My angel. My love.

We're Not Supposed To See Too Far Ahead

"God made the world round so we would never be able to see too far down the road." -Isak Dinesen

The future is one of the scariest, but most exciting things anyone can experience. The uncertainty of what is going to happen, not knowing whether you will be here next week or not. But God doesn't want us knowing what will happen because it doesn't really matter. He already has our future planned out and we can't change his plan for us. Whether you believe this or even believe in God, he believes in you.  You can't override his actions.  He doesn't want us knowing too much about our future because we need to live each day to the fullest. Love hard, argue little, laugh often. Tell someone you love them everyday. Tyler and I don't go to bed ever without a kiss and an "I love you." The future, to me, is very exciting. A new day, a new experience. Something new to learn. With God, your future is set and secure. At the end of our lives, where death would do us part, we will meet again in heaven. What could be better?!

Return of the OCD

My OCD is driving me crazy.  Being off work has been really relaxing, and my stress is waaay down.  I am a much happier person.  But, I'm starting to go crazy.  I can only write so much.  Take so many pictures.  Watch TV so much.  And I feel like I'm starting to gain weight.  Maybe I'm not, but I feel blah!!! I am a huge organization freak.  I like everything to have it's place and to stay there or be returned there when it's done being used.  I don't like for my furniture to be in the same place for a long period of time.  I have to have a change of scenery.  I have moved little things here and there since I can't seem to find another way to organize the entertainment center, chair, couch, and loveseat.  I have organized things that I didn't think were unorganized.  I managed to only do stuff to the kitchen the past 2 days.



This is an old shelf of mine that I had been using as a spice rack to sit on the countertop.  Yesterday, for some reason, it started to bug me that it was on the counter and not above the stove where, I think, spice racks belong.  Needless to say, I had to put it above the stove. 



I've had this bulliten board for forever and really didn't have much use for it.  I used to have our cooking aprons hanging right here to cover the breaker box, but right below this is the bookshelf in which has 2 large candles with stands on top of it.  I didn't really think that was save to leave them there.  So I moved them and hung this up.  And I thought that I'd add a little persoanl spice to it.  Again, my organization, I put a label for our weekly menu, to do list, and grocery list on it. 

While organizing everything in the kitchen, the cat started bugging me, so I went into his bathroom to make sure he had enough food.  When I walked into the spare bedroom "Man Cave," that's exactly what it looked like.  A man's room.  It was messy.  Tyler and Daniel had just cleaned the room on New Year's Day, with the anticipationt that D was gonna move in with us.  All it took was a rummage through the even messier closet to clutter the room up again.  One day.  I just wish I had the patience to get in there and clean it myself. 

Dear Jesus, help this man find the time to clean the room, and to keep it clean. It's driving me crazy!!

Back on the House Hunt

We've been on a house hunt on and off for the past half a year or so.  But now, we're searching harder than ever!! Apartment life sucks, especially when you live in the ghetto.  Or at least that's what I consider it.  We found this home that's been on the market for a while now, and we love it, and are really leaning towards it, especially being a lease-to-own property. $154,000 - [I think we can manage ;)]

The wood burning fireplace

The enormous kitchen-- oh yeah!!!

The front of the house.. Isn't it prettier than an apartment?!

My Bucket List

Bucket list

1. Get life insurance
2. Buy a house
3. Go to the super bowl
4. Open my own daycare
5. Go to the summer olympics
6. Be a mother
7. Go to australia
8. Learn to speak fluent Spanish
9. Run a marathon (LR Marathon)
10. Save someone's life
11. Write a song
12. Swim with a dolphin
13. Go to New York for christmas or new years eve
14. Visit Niagra Falls
15. Go to Vegas
16. Go to Disney World
17. Take a cruise
18. Start a scholarship fund in memory of someone
19. Finish Project 365
20. Finish school, undergrad & grad school
21. Open my own practice
22. Retire before 65
23. Stand across a state line
24. Get my car paid off
25. Get our credit cards bills completely paid off
26. See Aerosmith in concert
27. Rescue an animal
28. Make my own wine
29. Get my PsyD
30. Write a Children's book
31. Get a poem published
32. Read the whole Bible
33. Organize a march against something
34. Take a random road trip out of state

All I have so far :)

Copyright Notice

Just a reminder to everyone.... My entire blog IS copyrighted!! Not just this one, but also my first one, "The Final 40 Days," that is no longer used.  I do, however, remember what pictures and information I have on it, so I don't want to see my stuff being used.  Someone took a bunch of pictures of my dad off my old blog, I'm pretty sure.  Either that, or they have hacked my Facebook and stole them from there, in which they were used to create a profile that hurt not only me, but my husband, and a lot of other people who knew it was wrong. Nevertheless, because they are on my blog, they are protected by copyright, and they were illegally taken.  I have poems on here that came from me, and I don't want them being taken for anyone's personal gain.  My pictures from Project 365 should not leave this page or my Facebook page without my permission.  I am about to start posting business information as well, such as business names and ideas about them.  So I just wanted to reiterate that.  Everything is COPYRIGHTED and has been since I created this blog!! Please respect that.  Thanks!!!

A Little Change in the Wind

This looks weird posting in the middle of Project 365, but I am starting to have a difficult time finding subjects for the project. I don't really know why, because I have all the time in the world to just go out and snap something. I thought my life was monotonous before. Phew, it really is now. But..... I kinda like it that way. I like being a stay-at-home wife. I like being here with nothing to do but study, read, and catch up on sleep. And I especially like that I am here for people during the daytime if they need me, and I am here when Tyler gets home from work. I am able to get dinner cooked, laundry and dishes done, and have my evenings to relax and spend with Tyler and JJ. I always stayed stressed out because I didn't feel like I had anytime to get stuff down because I was soooo tired. I feel relaxed, now. Yeah, money will become an issue eventually, but right now, this is the right thing; how God wants it to be. Or it wouldn't be like this. This first two weeks of the new year haven't been ideal, but like I usually would when stuff goes way out of the ordinary, I haven't felt that sinking gut feeling. I have a peace over me. I know things will be ok. They have been so far.

I am currently studying for the ParaPro exam to be a teaching assistant for pre-K. See, when I apply for a job in a childcare facility, that's what I want to do, care for the children. Not be Molly Maid. I know what I did was technically for the welfare of the children, but I felt VERY unappreciated for the work I did. The lives of everyone around me were basically the same; all with minor problems. I didn't feel like I was treated equally because of the crap I deal with. Whether I spoke of it or not, people knew. People were concerned. Even on my good days, someone would ruin it with a question involving something unpleasant. And this time, they screwed me over. Bottom line, and I'm through with this part.. THEY'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND.. and I hope they never do. I can't be called a bad person if my most pleasant reaction is not so pleasant. The best way I can look at it is that I was pushed into fulfilling a dream a lot sooner than intended. Fine by me.

Well, on a happier note, one of our bills we've been paying for a while now, will finally be paid off in May, so that's pretty exciting. And we'll be getting into a house soon. Finally telling apartment life to suck it. We're still debating on whether to move away or stay here. Away would be nice. But for the purpose of psychos and those more interested in our lives than their own, the location we're thinking about remains untold. Some know. Other good things we await; Tunica in 2 weeks, and Olivia should be here in about 3 weeks, hopefully not while we're gone.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Toodles.