Father's Day is going to be a difficult day for Tyler, whether he shows it or not. He has had every chance of being a father on Earth taken away from, but he is still a father at heart. He may not show his emotion all of time (or very often), but he feels it. It will hit him at the most random times. The slander that has gone on behind his back, the "Tyler was never there", the void he felt all of the time. All of that hurts him. I see it in his eyes even when I don't hear it come out of his mouth. The pictures on my side of the bed, the puzzle on his side of the bed, the big grinning face above our heads- these in his mind should not be what holds him together. It should be the presence of Carter in his crib or laying in bed with him. And his little brother or sister for him to play with. JJ is all Tyler has to fill that void. Last year was his first father's day as a father, and he didn't get the chance to go see Carter, and now this year will be his second father's day and he won't have him here. It breaks my heart.
People think that a woman is the one who deals with more grief than a man. This is not true. A man can grieve just as much as a woman if not more. I have found some myths and truths about grieving fathers. I really see the truth in them.
Men are strong; this means they need to be independent and in control. Yes, men are perceived to be the strong one in a family, but they can experience times of weakness just like women.
Seeking help is a sign of weakness. Being strong means to seek help when needed and to be able to recognize one’s feelings and cope with them in a healthy way.
It is okay for men to be angry, but it isn’t okay to feel hurt, scared or to display tender feelings or to cry. Society projects this macho image as the male identity, thus making it difficult for men to feel comfortable with expressing feelings.
Men are protectors; women need protecting. Often when a child dies, men are asked, “how is your wife?” instead of “how are you?” This presumption passes over the man’s feelings and may make him resent his wife.
Men don’t feel. Society puts this on men, so they repress and suppress.
Father’s don’t love their children as much as mothers.
Our society assumes that fathers, traditionally the “breadwinners,” aren’t considered to care as much as the mother or feel the loss of a child.
Men need to keep busy. Because men are already work-oriented, they can use their natural tendency as an excuse to further avoid dealing with grief and hurt.
Be a man, don’t cry.
This is the message little boys are given, which often impairs them from doing this natural part of grieving as adults.
Men don’t need help. Many men would rather drive around lost than ask for help. During grief, this is how they feel, lost and reluctant to ask for support.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL THE FATHERS OUT THERE!!!
