Deadbeat Dad?! Know the facts!!

How many guys are called a "deadbeat dad?" How many women call the biological father of their child a "deadbeat dad?"

I looked up the true definition of one and added my own thoughts for what one is. So let's get to it.

According to The Free Dictionary, a deadbeat dad is a father who willfully defaults on his obligation to provide financial support for his offspring.

I also would like to add that they decide not to be in the picture and have no interest in the well being of their child(ren).

I was just curious about how the statistics of women scamming child support and custody rights matched up with what I thought. Exact numbers surprised me, but overall, I expected the numbers to be high. Statistics show that 75% of custodial mothers do not receive child support. That is not because of the fathers doing. Some never ask for it, don't want it, the fathers don't have the money, or have made other verbal agreements for money. Here we are for what I want women to know- only 11% of custodial mothers don't receive child support because of "deadbeat dads." When the reasons for custodial mothers not receiving child support, or not even having a child support order to begin with, are examined, it becomes clear that "deadbeat dads" are a rarity, and the current policies in place will never work. I just find it interesting that girls want to gripe about the support of their child(ren), and saying they shouldn't have to ask for money. Nobody was put on this earth to read minds. If you are set on getting money to support your child(ren), then it's your responsibility to pursue that. I don't have kids, but I do know that you can't expect guys to do stuff like women. You cannot force a verbal agreement in someone. If you want money for your child(ren), fight for it. Otherwise, don't call the father a deadbeat dad when he doesn't pay. Everyone wants to take the women's side because she is the one who is supposed to care for her child(ren) the best. We know this isn't always true, especially with us seeing all these women being questioned and charged with abuse, neglect, etc. We had rumors continuously spread about Tyler being a deadbeat dad. They had a verbal agreement. They didn't want to go through the courts. Tyler sent what he could when he could. More than court ordered child support would have required him to. He had interest in seeing Carter. She felt as if her back was against the wall whenever Tyler took my advice to ask what she needed extra money for and for him to send the items he needed versus sending the cash. Child support fraud is also a huge problem we have. I don't have any facts or statistics on this one (yet), but I know people who suffer from paternity fraud. I have a few other issues on my mind, but because I feel like statistics and facts will help me back them, and I don't have them, I will not talk about them.

I leave it here by saying my husband was as much of a father as she would allow him... And Drew, if she reads the facts, her back might be more up against the wall. Know your rights as a father. Y'all are good fathers. Far from a deadbeat dad. Loves.

Needing prayers

Friday evening I came home and Tyler informed me that his aunt called and told him that a very close friend of mine, Amber, had been in a bad car accident along with her 8 year old daughter, Jailey. Tyler's cousin text me yesterday and gave me an update. Not what I wanted to hear, but I was thankful for receiving an update. For those of you who haven't ever heard me talk about Amber, I think very highly of this lady. She has been the biggest support for us since Carter passed away. She is what a friend is supposed to be. Nothing less. She never gets annoyed when I talk about something. She always checks on me whenever she feels something isn't right. She met me and my best friend to go up to Carter's grave to decorate and clean. I have never heard anyone say a negative thing about her. They'd be lying if they did. Her daughter is the cutest and sweetest little girl. They didn't deserve this. Why do bad thinks happen to good people? The update I received last night said that Amber would be in ICU at St. Vincent's for 3-4 days and remain in the hospital for a few weeks following. She has internal injuries. Liver related. Jailey was at Children's for a broken back, a broken thumb, and a large cut on her face. She was able to come home today. We have been told that Amber is going to be okay. We just want everyone to keep them, their family, and close friends in your prayers. God will watch over them and work his miracles. We have to trust that. God is good.

We love you Amber & Jailey Garner <3

Bucket List..

I've made a bucket list before, but I have misplaced it. Actually, it might be one of my posts from last year. But I think it's time to update it. I also have a list of my 2011 year that I will post in a few months. It's currently 7:33pm. I'm gonna stop at 7:43pm with what I have. I'm sure there will be more. Here it goes.

Before I die, I want to:
1. Swim with a dolphin
2. Own my own daycare
3. Start a scholarship fund in memory of someone
4. Build a house
5. Have 2 kids
6. Visit Florida
7. Write at least one children's book
8. Finish the entire Bible
9. Save someone's life
10. Finish school with a doctorate
11. Visit all 50 states
12. Go to Las Vegas
13. Patent something
14. Own a vacation home
15. Be bill free except utilities & insurances

Okay, it's 7:43pm. I said there is more. This is just what I came up with in 10 minutes. They are pretty realistic goals and ambitions. Right? I think so. I'll update it at I think of them.

Dates & Anniversaries

From the title, this post might sound good, but I have been thinking a lot lately about dates and anniversaries... that I don't want to have to think about.

January 8, March 1, March 26, July 25, August 4, November 14

All dates I wish I didn't have to deal with. That's 6 days each year that screw with me. I know it's only 6 days, but the events that happened on these days are all death anniversaries or hospitalization days and birthdays of those who are gone. I can't help but to think about them. Almost a week out of my life.

Selling my past...

No, not really. But I HAVE to get rid of some shoes and clothes. I started emptying our closet to pack the car to move everything to the new house. Oh Mylanta!!! I can't fit all of our clothes (majority mine) in the backseat of my car. It actually upset me. Really. To the point of almost crying. It's sad.

I will be selling some stuff here in the near future. I must!! Of course, I will be reasonable with prices. I just want to get rid of it. Please, Lord, let me get rid of it all.

The New House

Finally!!!!! We have a house and are no longer renting an apartment. It feels amazing!! We can finally paint a wall, replace carpet, have a yard, build a deck, have an acre to roam and build on. Every disappointment, every failed attempt has paid off. God has blessed us. Pictures to come soon.

Putting a hold on the October giveaway

I apologize a million times already that I am going to have to cancel the giveaway this month. Tyler and I are moving into our new house and things are extremely hectic... and expensive!! I hope to get back doing it soon. It is something that really helps me and brings me joy. I want that joy in my life. I am sorry for those who have already entered for the giveaway. I hope that I have no disappointed anyone. It is just going to be too hard to have one this month, especially since we won't have Internet right away. I will be sure to let everyone know when I start another one.

Thanks!!

October Giveaway

I have finally found what I want to put in for this month's giveaway in honor of Carter. I didn't find one thing though. Yeah, I found four. But whenever the winner is chosen, the winner will get to choose which one of the four items that she wants. Although it only took me two days to find something for the giveaway, it took a lot of thought. I tossed and turned all night letting it get to me. I was looking online to find gifts, I was looking everywhere. Today, I finally decided to go to Hallmark (despite my horrendous headache) and I found these four items. I could not pick just one, so again, be thinking about which one that you want.

How to enter:

Leave a comment on the blog or on the Facebook link on which item that you would be most interested in. I would like for this to be a giveaway for mother's who have lost due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or any other type of loss, but I will put that restraint on it just yet. I will save that one for March and August (Carter's months). However, if you have lost a child, and you feel like you want me to know that, you can private message me and tell me your story. Completely optional and confidential. Remember that you have to be a mother who has lost a child, an expectant mother, or have a child that is two years of age and younger.

Ornament
"Look for the angels in your life. They are everywhere."

Stone
"All the treasures of the earth cannot bring back ONE lost moment."

Dove rock
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you." John 14:27

Ornament
"Guardian Angels, Protect Us, Guide Us."

Side note: I will most likely use the three items that are not chosen for this giveaway in future one. I obviously am not going to reveal prices, because this is something that I am doing for someone else (you never tell a price of a gift- duh!!), but if you are wanting to get them for someone else, I will give you the price of them. 

The deadline to enter will be Friday, October 7 at 10:00pm. The winner will be announced Saturday morning.

Good Luck!! :)

"Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven."

-Matthew 19:14

Heaven's Doves

I came across the site for Heaven's Doves. They are working on a dove for Carter. I've said before, one of the hardest things about losing someone is not having any new pictures of them. There are so many more pictures and videos of Carter than what we have right now, and hopefully soon we will get to obtain some of them. However, what pictures exist now, are all that will ever exist (unless we edit them and make new ones). Pictures are not everything, but they are cherished very much.

If you have lost a child, or know someone who has lost a child, this is a good site to go to. I can't wait to get Carter's dove in.

"Heaven's Doves"

Her Facebook page profile picture (in case you want to check the page out)

I have got to learn...

...that things do not have to be done as soon as they come into my mind. I am getting myself so worked up over things that are not worth getting worked up over. I let myself get so disappointed. I wear myself out. I have got to learn that worrying about things will get me nowhere. I have got to learn that I am not a screwup. I work very hard and wear my heart on my sleeve. I do things out of the goodness of my heart. I am a good person. I have got to learn that criticizing others about things in their life only makes me insecure and look stupid. I have got to learn to be more accepting of people's flaws. I don't want to lower my expectations of people, but I shouldn't be so quick to announce what those expectations are. I have got to learn to eliminate my distractions. I have got to learn that the more I worry about what others are saying behind my back or think about our situation, the more unhappy I will be. I have got to learn that God will take care of things the way they are meant to be taken care of.

I still have a lot to learn

October Giveaway Thoughts

First off, I would like to thank the 12 mothers who entered for the first giveaway in honor of Carter. It was a huge success (in my opinion). I can't wait to start working on and deliver Mrs. Chelsea Coleman her picture frame for the beautiful Miss Madilynn.

October 15th is "Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day."  I want to do something really special this month. I do not have any friends that have lost a child after having spent time with him/her, but I know some who have had a pregnancy loss. So what I am trying to figure out is whether to have the rules set to those who have only had a pregnancy loss. My only worry about that is that she will not want to have something physical to remind her of that tragic time. I am up in the air about what to do for this one. I have been looking for inspiration.  When I get something figured out (which will have to be quick), I will post it. If there are any ideas that you have (only if you are not eligible to participate), let me know.