A Proud Moment..

My latest creation. I am proud of myself. Thanks for all of the compliments.

30 days of thankfulness- Days 25, 26, 27

November 25- I am thankful that there was nothing in the world that I needed or wanted so badly that I would have tried to tackle the crowds of Black Friday. I know that sounds silly, but I am thankful that I am not that materialistic...and crazy!!

November 26- I am thankful for the day that I got to spend with Tyler. We antique shopped all day and spend the day together spending very little money and doing something that was fun for us. I am glad that we share that in common. It is something simple and fun to do for the both of us.

November 27- I am thankful for 2 years with Tyler. We spent our 2 year anniversary together today. I am thankful that I took my boss' advice and gave Tyler a chance. It led me to a wonderful marriage and to meet my best friend. I wouldn't trade what I have with him for the world.

Thankfulness & Emptiness

After settling down from a very long day, I now have time to sit down and get this out of my head. I am so grateful that I was able to spend this day with my husband, two of our best friends, one of their mother's, my mom, my sister and brother-in-law. It was a very long and exhausting day preparing our dinner tonight, but I am thankful that it turned out amazing and delicious.

In the midst of all of this thankfulness, I could not help but to wonder how things would be if Carter were here. We got to see pictures of one of our best friends daughter with whipped cream all over her face from eating her first piece of pumpkin pie. I only wish that we were able to experience something like that with Carter. I with that he were here to have been able to eat his first piece of turkey. There is a sense of emptiness most of the time, and especially around the holidays. Last year was really hard because it was the first set of holidays that we had to be without him. Not to say that we are not always going to be a little sad during the holidays, but I think now that we have gotten over the "first years" that it will get a little easier each time.

We did mention being thankful because Carter is in Heaven celebrating the holidays, but it is still not the same. We are naturally selfish people when it comes to the loss of a loved one. We want it all. We want them here. It is hard to think that God deserves your loved ones more than you do. But it is true.

I hope that everyone had a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving. Root on the Hogs tomorrow.

30 days of thankfulness- Day 23 & 24

I know that I am not going to have time to post tomorrow because we will be busy cleaning and cooking for company and visiting with friends and family so I am going to post for today and tomorrow. For both days, and others that I have posted on, I am thankful for my friends and family. I do not have many friends, but what I do have, I am very appreciative of. I love them and my family with every fiber of my being. They have helped me and us through so much. They say that once something bad happens, that is a true test to see who your real friends are. We definetely believe in that now. We have one of the strongest support systems that I have ever seen. I am so grateful to have my mother. She is the kindest person that I know. She has such a big heart for everything. I am thankful for all that she has done for us. I am thankful for my sister who is always there for me. I am thankful for my husband who has shown me a different way of viewing life. He has allowed me to open up and have fun. He has warmed my heart so much over the past two years. I am thankful for Carter, who although only stayed on this Earth for five months, he should and taught Tyler and I more than anyone can understand and realize. I am thankful for Tyler's grandmother who has pulled us out of so many financial ruts. I am thankful for Tyler's family who accepted me very quickly and trusted me to take care of and love Tyler unconditionally. I am thankful that my family accepted Tyler for the same reason. I know that I have repeated a lot of my thanks, but family and friends are everything that makes me what I am today. And for that, I will always treasure my relationships with them.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!!!

30 days of thankfulness- Day 22

Today I am thankful for Paxil. I have finally found a medication that works well for my anxiety, stress, and depression. It is making me feel a little funny right now because it is just now getting into my system, but I have noticed over just the past two days that my stress has really decreased. Things don't seem to bother me as much. I don't fully understand how these medications work, but I do know that I am starting to feel a difference.

Also to add to this, just because someone is on anti-depressants doesn't make them any less of a person. It is just the way the world is nowadays. Things happen in our everyday lives that contribute to hard times. If you could even imagine putting yourself in mine...or Tyler's... shoes, you tell me if you wouldn't be doing the same thing.

30 days of thankfulness- Day 21

Today I am thankful for weather alerts. Although my phone was blown up all day yesterday with flood warnings and tornado watches, I am thankful that the convenience of knowing those things is available. I love storms, but I also like to know how severe they are going to be so I can be prepared for the worst. I know that this might sound like something silly to be thankful for, but those who have had to deal with the devastation of tornados and other severe weather related tragedies would be thankful for them too.

Relationships & Marriage

"The problem with relationships & marriages these days is the lack of compromise & selfishness of one or both. Tyler & I are by no means perfect, but when you look at what we do for each other & how we carry & lift each other up, we have what keeps a marriage strong."

I posted this status earlier. There are many reasons that I believe this. First off, let me just say that selfish people do not work well with anyone. When it is all about you then it is not about anyone else. I hear people all the time talk about how they are in their relationships and things that they expect from their significant other. One prime example; Someone told me one time that she would not do anything nice for this particular guy until she had a "big ole rock" on her finger. And yes, she was very serious about the big ole rock. I guess stuff like that just bothers me because a ring is a ring. That does not define what the marriage is. It is a symbol, yes, but it is not everything. I picked a very simple and inexpensive ring. Anyway, back on subject. People expect so much out of their partner. We are not perfect. We make mistakes. I do not expect much out of Tyler. I expect love, respect, and laughter. Like I said, we are not perfect, but I believe that we have what makes a marriage work. We love each other, can make each other laugh, and we do no dismiss each other's feelings about serious matters. We do things that we do not necessarily want to do because we love each other. We tolerate certain things for each other. We eat each other's sometimes nasty food because we do not want to hurt each other's feelings. Those are some of the small things that make our relationship and marriage work. Also, a relationship is not a competition. If you constantly hold things over your partner's head and/or are looking for things to hold against them, there is a problem. The last thing that I want to say is that you cannot expect happiness. You want happiness, but you cannot "make" someone be happy. You have to be able to rely on each other in good times and bad. There are going to be times where happiness is not present.

I am a firm believer that there is someone out there for everyone. A relationship and a marriage are a two way street. It takes two to make one work.

Ok, I'm off my soapbox now

30 days of thankfulness- Day 19

Today I am thankful for second, third.... hundredth chances. I'm not the one being given another chance on something, but I have a family member who is being given another chance to straighten up her life. At this time, Tyler and his dad are out looking for his little sister. Well, they have found her, but they are waiting on her to call them. I pray right now that she agrees to leave with them. She has chosen a very difficult path. I know that once you taken the hard road that it can be difficult to get back on the right path. I pray that she realizes that living on the street is no way to live. She is 5 weeks away from being 19. That is no way for anyone to live, but especially someone her age. We love you, Peyton. Please make the right decision and come home.

30 days of thankfulness- Day 18

Today, I am thankful for easy days at work. I love my job but let's face it, not everyday is easy breezy. There are days where I want to give up and think that childcare is not my calling. I love working with kids. I love how they can bring light to my life. I love how you can be upset with them one minute, then in the blink of an eye, they can make a face or say something funny and it cancels out all they did. Today, I had a very easy afternoon with them. I like those days where we can have more fun than trouble.

30 days of thankfulness- Day 17

Today, I am thankful for alternatives. I am thankful that we have so many choices about so many things. Sometimes it makes things a little more difficult than we might like, but when you think about how many choices we have compared to other countries, we are priveleged. There is not much explanation to this one. I am just thankful.

30 days of thankfulness- Days 14-16

November 14th- Today would have been my dad's 53rd birthday. I miss him so much. Today, I am thankful for him. I know I mentioned him the other day in a thanfulness post, but I truly am thankful for him. We had our differences and missed time together, but I was a daddy's girl when he was living with us. I still feel him here with me sometimes. I see a lot of my dad in how Tyler is. Tyler is lively and goofy like I think of my dad. I miss him. Happy birthday, daddy!!

November 15th- Today I am thankful for my kids who kept me going while I was feeling HORRIBLE!!!!! They knew that I didn't feel good. They were exceptionally sweet for me. They even sat in my lap and talked to me about Santa Claus and Christmas.

November 16th- Today I am thankful for health insurance and antibiotics. My fever broke last night and the Nyquil did wonders, but it didn't do everything. Today I went to the doctor and got the antibiotics that I needed to bring me back to my full self. Yay!!

Why Am I Not Laughing?!

This will be a rather short post because it just basically a vent session...

Okay, so two weeks ago to this day, my friend Sarah and I had a small girls night. When I walked into the restaurant to sit down with her, I noticed one of Saline County's finest sitting at the bar. Name is not important, but I knew exactly who he was when I sat down. I know him through no way negative I will say. Anyway, as the night passed on, the bar seats started filling up and a few guys sat down next to me in between me and the deputy. One of them had more than he needed to have. That guy proceeded to "flirt" with me despite the shiny rock on my finger (sorry, some guys are pigs that doesn't phase them). He asked if Sarah and I were off work yet. He assumed that we were bartenders or waitresses. I said "I have been off work about an hour now, but I don't work here." Sarah replied the same. He didn't seem to feel stupid. I reached over to Sarah and sarcastically said "Ha, well we have a winner over here." He asked me what I did. (Here is the main idea of the post) Before I had the chance to answer, the deputy (who I believe had enough too) said, "She is a murderer." Of course he laughed because he doesn't think bad about me as a person. But I didn't think it was funny one bit even though I kind of "ha-ed." The guy who was flirting replied with "Really, you know you would be famous if you killed someone?" He said it with excitement in his voice and a smile on his face. I thought seriously dude?! What the hell?! How is something like that supposed to be funny...to anyone?

Moral of the story, it doesn't matter who you are talking to, watch what you say to someone. I know things are said that are not intended to be offensive and hurtful, but there are things you don't joke about period.

30 days of thankfulness- Day 13

Today, I am thankful for inspirational music. I used to hate whenever I would log onto Facebook and see songs posted as people's status. But there are so many songs out there that have true meaning to them and are very inspirational. The one song that comes to mind first is Martina McBride's "I'm Gonna Love You Through It." The list could go on and on. I am always listening to the radio. I know just about every country song that is played on a daily basis. To me, hearing a song like that is just like reading a scripture out of the Bible. You get back a little bit of hope that was lost. I think a lot about the words that are put into a song. One day I will have my own song written and people will hopefully admire it and find inspiration in it.

Getting in the Christmas Spirit

I honestly do not think that I have been this excited about Christmas since I was a little kid. I cannot buy gifts this year, but I am perfectly fine with that. That is not what Christmas is about, and if that is what you think, I pity you. I am excited about getting to decorate our new home. I am ready to set up our Christmas tree. Going "Hog Wild" this year. Haha!! Oh yes, I planned this last year. I bought Walmart out of red, white, and black decorations. Tyler won't let me bring the white tree in until after Thanksgiving. Seriously, he doesn't even want it in the house because he says he'll want to set it up. I don't care. I'm about to go get all of the decorations out of the office closet and start laying them out and inventory what we have and what we need. I'm like a kid again. I am already burning pine candles because I want that Christmasy smell in here. I have loaded down my Pinterest Christmas board with decorating ideas. I walked into Dollar General yesterday to look for posterboard and I saw yard stakes that were so cute I couldn't stand it. Well, obviously I could because I didn't buy them, but you know what I mean. We got our new kitchen table last week so now I have an excuse to go buy another Christmas table runner. Christmas is going to throw up in this house this year. I need to get it out of my system before I burst. I am already watching Christmas movies (right now as we speak I am watching "Christmas with the Kranks.") I am ready for our Christmas party. Last year was so much fun and I am hoping that this year is twice as fun. I love having people around this time of year. I don't know what else to say besides I'm freakin' excited.

30 days of thankfulness- Day 12

Today, I am thankful for our new house. I know we are currently renting it, but we are treating it like we will eventually buy it. It took some warming up to, but I am really enjoying it. I have something to decorate that I am proud of. I am so anxious for Christmas that I can hardly stand it. I am constantly researching decorating ideas for the house. I am full of energy and excitement. As soon as the landlord fixes the minor (yet major) things, I am ready to show it off to everyone.

30 days of thankfulness- Day 11

Today, I am thankful for our veterans. Without them, we would not have the freedom that we do. There are so many things people, myself included, take for granted. We focus on the things that we are prohibited from doing instead of all of the freedoms we do have. This country is not perfect by any means, but we have so many rights that other countries wouldn't know what to do with. Remember that.

30 days of thankfulness- Days 8-10

We have had a lot going on over the past couple of days so I haven't been able to post, but of course, I was writing my thanks down. We are getting Internet tomorrow, so hopefully I will be able to do this without skipping days.

Day 8- I am thankful for the 8th's. I know that this is going to sound weird at first, but I have my reasons. By no means am I happy that I do not have my dad here anymore with me. I miss him everyday. I was such a daddy's girl whenever I lived with him. We had our difference and missed years, but I know that my dad is where he needs to be. January 8, 2008, he passed away from cancer. He was in pain for so long, and I am thankful that that day, he was released from all pain and taken to a better place. Another 8th I am thankful for, July 8th (my birthday..enough said).

Day 9- I am thankful for a wonderful job. I may have already said this one, but I am truly thankful to be working with such great kids. They try my patience sometimes, but they bring so much light to my life. They are little comedians and they have no idea how funny they are. They have no idea how much love and light they bring into a room.

Day 10- Today, I am thankful for my family. Thanksgiving and Christmas are sneaking up on us, and I am reminded of how much their presence means to me. Without my family, I would not be here. I could not happily live my life without them. My mom is the best mother I have ever known. She does not play sides between her children (Tyler included). She goes with what is fair. She is a very fair person. She has the biggest heart of anyone I know. My little sister is my best friend. Yes, we have our differences, but I know that she is just a phone call away and 30 miles down the road. My husband is the most amazing guy I have ever met. He puts up with so much of my nonsense. He loves me unconditionally, he brings a smile to my face everyday. He warms my heart. These 3 people are the reason that I wake up everyday. They are my best friends in the whole world. And I am thankful everyday that I have them in my life.

30 days of thankfulness- Day 7

Today, I am thankful for knowing where my daddy and Carter are. I am thankful everyday for this, but it has been on my mind almost all day. My daddy had made some mistakes in his life, but he was a good guy. He missed out on some of the most important years with my sister and I, but we got to be there with him for his last 4 months on this Earth. He was an amazing writer and had always wanted to go to school to be a minister. I have one existing friend who knew my dad. She thought as highly of him as my sister and I did. People automatically assume that whenever anyone dies, that they all go to Heaven. I think that it is a wishful thought for some because they do not want to think that their loved one is in Hell. I know that my dad is in Heaven with Carter watching over all of us. Tyler said that one of the most comforting feelings despite all of the discomfort of his loss is that he can honestly say he knows where Carter is. He has explained to many people that not all parents know where their children go whenever they pass before the parents. Some parents have to worry about their children whenever they are out doing drugs and other things that are sinful. Tyler, or anyone for that matter, does not have to worry about whether Carter is safe anymore. He is in God's hands and we know that for 100% fact. It is a very comforting feeling to know that if we ever want to see him again, we know what we have to do to get there. I cannot wait for the day that I get to be with my daddy again and get to see my beautiful stepson and actually get to hear him speak words and see him running around. I am thankful for that.

30 days of thankfulness- Day 6

Today, Tyler and I are celebrating our first year of marriage. We have not slid through it effortlessly. We have had our challenges- mainly outside challenges; nevertheless, it's been challenging. Anyone who knows our story understands that means. But this has been the most amazing year of my life. I wouldn't change a thing we have been through because they are all lessons to be learned from. There is a positive spin on everything that has happened. So on day 6, I am without a doubt, VERY THANKFUL for my husband. Without him, I wouldn't have been married obviously, but I probably wouldn't still be living on my own, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet Carter, I wouldn't be as goal oriented as I am now, and I wouldn't have a best friend like him. Tyler has brought so much light into my life. He doesn't know how much he has really done for me. I am so proud of his accomplishments, so proud of his outlook on life, so proud to be his wife. I could go on and on and talk in circles about how much I love Tyler and the things that have made me an extremely happy woman. But I won't. Some things are better left in my heart to keep all to myself :) I can't wait to have many more years of happiness!!

30 days of thankfulness- Days 1- 5

I have a late start on posting this, but I have been writing it down.

November 1- I'm thankful for the opportunity to work with wonderful kids & teach them.

November 2- I'm thankful for friends who can be honest with me & not judge me for what I've been through.

November 3- I'm thankful for my JJ. He always makes me happy.

November 4- I'm thankful for all who can make me laugh.

November 5- I'm thankful for the opportunity to spend quality time with my husband.

Each day until the 30th, I'll post & explain more in detail what I'm thankful for.

Having an only child..

For whatever reason last night, Tyler said that people between the ages of 27 and 36 are the happiest when they have their first child. Most people by then have their finances in order, most of their goals accomplished, and just all around more mature. He also said that he only wanted one. It'll be my first, his second. I'm okay with that. I want to be able to give all of my attention to one child. I know a lot of only children. Each of them is different. I looked up statistics about having only children. I was just curious as to what the advantages and disadvantages are. I was surprised at some.

Stigmas of the only child:

• The only child is selfish and spoiled
• The only child is lonely
• The only child is more agressive
• the only child has more of a tendency to play with imaginary friends
• The only child is sickly
• The only child is needy and clingy
• The only child will have problems socializing

Traits of the only child:

• Close to parents
• Self-controlled
• A leader
• Mature
• Dependable
• Demanding
• Unforgiving
• Private
• Sensitive
• Mature beyond their age

Disadvantages:

• Too much pressure from parents to perform well
• No one to grow up with- it would be more fun with brothers and sisters
• Loneliness
• Too quiet in the house after bein outside playing with friends
• Worried about being the sole caretaker of elderly parents
• Pressure to have children to carry on the family name
• Overprotective parents
• Harder to make friends
• Will never have nieces and nephews

Advantages:

• Glad to not have to deal with siblings
• Have friends who are like brothers and sisters but don't have to live together
• Very attached to parents, have a great relationship
• More awareness of self
• Have more help pursuing goals
• More independent
• Have parents undivided attention
• Don't have to share
• Don't have to compare myself to siblings
• Don't have to fight parents for conversation

I just thought this was all interesting. Like I said, I am happy with our decision to only want one child. Carter will always be in the picture, but as far as physically existing childre, one is our limit. We think of it like how we have JJ as our only cat. He gets all the attention that he wants and does not have to share. Yes, he gets bored whenever he doesn't have another cat to play with, but he loves being our boy. This is not to say that if we had more that one child unplanned that we would not be happy, but we are doing all that we can to only have one.