2011 in a list

Every year around this time, I try to reflect on things that have happened during the year and make a list of them. I can look back on how drastically...or not so drastically...my life has changed. Some people do "50 things in (year)" but I can't always think of that many things or have that many things that happen.

This is what has happened in 2011

1. Had my first encounter with police for something other than a traffic ticket.
2. Had a themed Christmas tree.
3. Got a ticket on a holiday.
4. My car was in it's first wreck.
5. Held an event for someone's memorial.
6. Got fired from a job.
7. Moved into a new house.
8. Started a small business with mom.
9. Looked forward to Razorback football.
10. Tried grits (they were okay)
11. Got my first gun.
12. Got to spend NYE out with my husband instead of at a house party like every year.

This is all I can think of. Next year, I need to keep an on going list.

Happy New Year!!!!

New Year's Resolutions

Every year I make resolutions and I never keep them. Who ever really does? I'm sure there are a few that are very good at keeping up with their commitments; however, I am not one of them. I was indecisive about making resolutions for this new year, but I think that I will make a few simple ones. Some of them are personal and some horrible habits that I have that I need to break (I won't list those). But one of my big resolutions that I am making for myself is to not talk bad about people. It is one that we should all make. The cold hard honest truth about it though... it is hard!!! It is so easy to criticize people and to say what we think about someone or something whether it is nice or not. I will be the first to admit that I am the worst about it. I plan to change that.

If you ask anyone, they will say that one of their favorite things about me is that I am blunt and honest. I still hope that people see me as honest, but I don't want to be so blunt with people anymore. I don't want to be mean. I don't want people to see me as the "bitch" and so "cut throat" about stuff.

I think that it is a reasonable and doable resolution for the upcoming year. Feel free to put me in my place if I start to fail at it. Please do!!

As for the other resolutions that I am not naming, I will just say that not only will I be a nicer person, I will be a healthier person as well. I am just too embarrassed to name them.

Stay safe on New Year's Eve. Happy New Year's!!!

Another Wonderful Christmas

Yesterday I posted a status that said "Family is everything to me. You can never give too many hugs, too many kisses, or too many "I love you's." This is how I always feel about my family, but during the holidays, I feel it even more. I have been so blessed with such wonderful families. We got great gifts and plenty of money to enjoy ourselves. That's not what it was about to me though. The older I get, the more I just want to be with my family. I am thankful for all of the wonderful gifts we recieved. But most of all, I am thankful for the love of our families and the time that we have been given to spend with them.

Merry Christmas!!

Mmmm.. So Yummy!!!

I love Pinterest. There is no doubt about that. I have become addicted. I love DIY crafts, ideas for canvas, and recipes. I wanted to make a quick post for some quick and affordable appetizers that I think y'all would enjoy.

CHICKEN ROLL-UPS

1 package cream cheese
1 package crescent rolls (6 count)
2 shredded cooked chicken breasts
1.5 cup grated cheddar cheese
1 cup Monterey Jack
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
bread crumbs
1/4 stick melted butter

Combine all of the ingredients. Spoon onto crescents. Roll them up making sure they are sealed around the chicken mix. Brush tops with butter and sprinkle with bread crumbs. Bake at 350 F for 20-25 minutes. To reheat, just place in a 325 F for 15 minutes

 http://jennasjourneyblog.blogspot.com/2010/09/chicken-roll-ups.html

PIZZA BITES


1/2 batch Perfect Pizza Crust dough

mozzarella cheese, about 20 cubed pieces

sliced pepperoni

For topping:
olive oil
Italian seasoning
grated Parmesan cheese

Preheat the oven to 400˚F.  Lightly grease a 9-inch pie plate or cake pan.  Divide the pizza dough into roughly 20 equal sized pieces.  Take one of the dough pieces and press in a cube of cheese and two slices of pepperoni.  Pull the edges of the dough down around the filling and seal.  Place in the pan, seam side down.  Repeat with remaining dough.  Each piece of dough should be touching each other in the pan. (It may seem crowded, but will be fine.) Lightly brush the tops of the dough with olive oil. Sprinkle on Italian seasoning and Parmesan cheese.  Bake for 20 minutes or until golden brown.  Serve warm or at room temperature, with dipping sauce if desired.

http://penniesonaplatter.com/2010/02/15/pizza-bites/

PEPPERONI ROLL-UPS

Crescent Rolls

Pepperoni

String Cheese

Ranch and Marinara Sauce

Separate crescent rolls into triangles. Place 4-5 pepperonis on each triangle and top with half a string of cheese. Roll up and bring up sides to seal.

Bake according to the directions that are on the crescent roll package.

http://dinnerwiththedonnells.blogspot.com/search/label/Pizza

For more ideas that I have found, visit my Pinterest board for recipes.

Not What You'd Expect...

What do you think that I would ask for from someone for Christmas? What is the first thing that would come to your mind?

...I don't really ask for much. I am not a materialistic person. Everyone pretty much knows that about me. I like things. I like nice things. I like old, antiquey things. I want a lot of things. But I fight temptations a lot..... A LOT!!!!

This year we said that we were going to be in a house by Christmas. Around the end of September, I would have called Tyler's bluff whenever he made me that promise. I am glad that I kept my faith and stayed on the positive side. We couldn't be happier in this place. The best part... we share it. We also said that this was our Christmas present to each other. We were in a bind for a little bit when we first moved in and that was okay. We just said that we weren't going to over-extend ourselves like we have in past Christmases. Well, Tyler changed his mind last minute. He went and bought me.... yep, my first gun!!! My first shotgun. It is a Mossberg 410. Oh, lordy!! I have no idea what all that means, yada yada, but I know how to shoot it. I don't know what it sounds like, but I know how to shoot it.

Get this, the first question I ask Tyler- "What do I shoot with this?" (Don't laugh) It was a legit question, right? Anyway, I am going to shoot my first deer or squirrel... or something on Monday. I AMMMM!!!

A shotgun for Kim. Not what you'd expect.

2012 for Carter

Things have been so crazy the past couple months (every since we moved into the new house) and I have completely sucked a putting together monthly giveaways in honor of Carter. I honestly don't know if it is something that is truly in my heart to do. There is no right way to say that (or at least I can't find the words to say what I mean). I know that Tyler's way completely in favor of doing the memorial events that we did for Carter's first year in Heaven.

My question for everyone is... should I continue the giveaways and under what terms?

Should I do something else each month... make something for Carter?
Or should I just "forget" about it?

I do realize that we do not have to do physical things to keep him in our memory. We will always remember him. That is not even in question. I know the decision will ultimately be what my heart tells us to do, but I think we need a little guidance from our friends and family. "Whatever you feel is best" or "Whatever you want to do" are not things that I want to hear. If I did what I wanted to do then I wouldn't be asking for personal opinions. I really would like some opinions and some guidance through this.

It is something that I have had on my heart for a long time. It will always be on my heart.

If Heaven had a phone number...

I have seen people post this status several times but I had a genuine conversation with someone about this the other day. She asked me if Heaven had a phone number who are three people I would call and what would I ask them or talk to them about? It didn't take much thought, but I was glad to have the conversation with her. So, to answer for everyone else, if Heaven had a phone number, I would call Carter, my dad, and my mother-in-law.

To Carter, I would ask him how he was doing and tell him that I love him very much. I would tell him how wonderful his daddy is. I would let him know that we think about him everyday. I would tell him about all of the things that we have done to keep his memory alive. I would ask him who hurt him. I would ask him if he realized that his daddy and I had his best interest at heart and trusted that we love him dearly. I would ask him if he is proud of both of us (mainly Tyler).

To my dad, I would also tell him that I love and miss him. I would ask him why he didn't want to quit smoking and drinking so much. I would ask him what his one piece of sound advice would be. I would ask him if he was proud of me for picking such an amazing man to be part of my life. I would ask him what the one thing he could do if he came back on Earth would be. I would ask him if he remembered us being in the hospital with him while he took his final breaths. I would ask him if he still loves my mom.

To my mother-in-law, I would tell her that I wish I could have met her. I would tell her that I have found an amazing partner in her son. I would tell her to that she was a very beautiful woman. I would ask her if she is proud of her son and all of his accomplishments. I would ask her if she approves of me to be her daughter-in-law. I would also ask her what would be the one thing she would do if she could come back on this Earth for a moment.

I know that it seems like I live off of "what-ifs." I honestly think that a lot of people do. We just don't all like to be honest about how we truly feel about many things. I am not afraid to express my feelings and talk to people who "aren't there." It is a part of life. It is not weird to write letters to people who have passed, nor is it weird to just sit down, look up, or close your eyes and just talk to that person. Personally, it is a good way of coping for me. That's all I have to say about that.

So, if Heaven had a phone number, who are three people that you would call and what would you say to them or ask them?

The Simple Things in Life

I have been thinking about starting a new blog or at least redesigning this one. Whenever I was thinking about the design on this one, I wanted to go simple and keep the name So Live Your Life. Someone said "You know that's a Rhianna song?" Yes, I am very aware of that. But listen to the lyrics. I still have to make the paper, but I live my life. There are some rough patches along the way, but overall, I enjoy my life. Tyler has saved me from leading such a sheltered life. He has opened my eyes to new things. Things that I might not have been exposed to without him. I am thankful for each and every moment that I have spent with him. Even the not-so-good moments. They have all been learning experiences.

I just wanted to take some time and list things that make me smile on a daily basis. The things that keep me going are the small...simple things in life.

• My kids. The funny things they say. The look on their face and the excitement in their voice when they accomplish something and learn something new.
• Tyler. He is always able to make me laugh with the random and funny things that he does. He has a contagious personality. He doesn't even know how funny he is.
• My cat. Same goes with him. He has a wonderful personality. He entertains himself half of the time. He is also the most photogenic animal I have ever seen.
• Kristen. She been there unconditionally for me I don't know how many times. She is a true friend and a blessing in my life.
• My mom. She is always there for me. My life would be horrible without her. I don't even know if I could live life like this without her.
• My sister. She is one of my best friends and is always there if I need to talk. I can't imagine my life without her either.
• I like reminiscing on funny memories, looking at old videos, looking at old pictures, hearing old stories (involving and not involving me).

Dreams

Dreams, dreams, dreams. I swear I have one every night. One night I wish I could just relax and sleep and not have to dream. Last night...this morning actually...I got to see Carter in my dreams. It was a bittersweet moment. We only know what he looks like up to 5 months and 3 days old. But somehow, I got to see him at 22 months old and I dreamt of him just like I would imagine what he would look like. I woke up with a few tears this morning. I got to run and play with him. I got to have him lay down and take a nap with me. I wish that I didn't have to dream. I wish that Tyler didn't have to imagine. I wish that he could be here right now and have everything perfect. How good is it to wish something that isn't going to come true? It will eventually be true though. We will have him back in Heaven. Things will be perfect one day. We will be living the dream instead of dreaming the dream. I can't wait for that day.

Christmas in the Shaw House

I promised I would post pictures of some of our Christmas decorations. They may be too simple for some, but for my first time really decorating my home for Christmas, I think that I did pretty well.



The counter with my handmade snowman canvas

The front door



The Christmas tree



The front table... my favorite

The kitchen table

The new shelf



The kitchen table...again



Our Anniversary Weekend

I never posted much about our first anniversary weekend, but it was...amazing!! We had so much fun the night before our anniversary. We went out to Denton's Back Porch (our favorite hangout) and we had a blast. We always look forward to going out there and having a good time...and seeing the pictures afterward. I thought I would share a few pictures that we were captured in.

Does it look like we had a good time? Oh you have no idea!!

Good Christmas Cookin'

One of my favorite things about Christmas is the good recipes. I have about a million this year. We are not much on eating sweets (getting worse though) but I do have some good party recipes and desserts to make. I thought I would share some of them. Hope you try and like them.

Pesto and Cream Cheese Appetizer- One block of cream cheese (8 oz) and a jar of Classico Pesto (there is only one brand that makes it, I believe and they don't sell it everywhere. I get mine at Target in the pasta section). You slice the block of cream cheese in half horizontally. Spread some of the pesto (a good amount) all over the half block and then place the other half on top and do the same with that piece. Serve with your favorite snack crackers. My sister-in-law made this last Christmas and it was practically to die for. I am making it this weekend for the Christmas party.

Red Velvet Cheesecake Brownies

• 1/2 cup butter
• 2-oz dark chocolate, coarsely chopped
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 1/2 tsp red food coloring
• 2/3 cup all purpose flour
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 8-oz cream cheese, room temperature
• 1/3 cup sugar
• 1 large egg
• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350F. Butter the bottom and sides of a 8 inch metal baking pan. Put a long piece of parchment paper in the bottom of the pan, letting the parchment extend up two sides of the pan and overhang slightly on both ends. (This will make it easy to remove the bars from the pan after they have baked.) Butter the parchment.
2. In a small, heatproof bowl, melt butter and chocolate together. Stir until combined and very smooth. Set aside to cool for a few minutes.
3. In a large bowl, whisk together sugar, eggs, vanilla extract and red food coloring. Add chocolate mixture and stir until smooth. Add flour and salt and stir until just combined and no streaks of dry ingredients remain.
4. Pour into prepared pan and spread into an even layer.
5. To prepare cheesecake mixture, beat cream cheese, sugar, egg and vanilla extract in a medium bowl until smooth. Distribute the cheesecake mixture in 8 dollops over batter in the pan. Swirl in with a knife or spatula.
6. Bake for 35-40 minutes, until brownies and cheesecake are set. A knife inserted into the cheesecake mixture should come out clean and the edges will be lightly browned.
7. Let cool completely in pan on a cooling rack before lifting out the parchment paper to remove the brownies.

This is just 2 that I decided to share, but I have so many more. I am so excited to have my own kitchen to cook in now. Yay!! If you make either one of these, be sure to let me know how they turn out.

Too much...

I never thought I would say that I have too much stuff to decorate with. Oh, but this year, the year that I said that I would allow Christmas to "throw up" in our house, I HAVE TOO MUCH!!! I am not too torn about it though. I like our decorations. I still feel like I want to decorate a little more even though Christmas is in 2 weeks and then I'll have to take it all down. Our Christmas party is in less than 2 days and I want people to "ohhh" and "ahhh" over the house. I want to be complimented on decorations. The guys aren't going to care obviously, but maybe someone will like what we have done. I don't have pictures right now :( but I will post them as soon as I finish my decorating tomorrow.

Tis the season!!

Toy Cars & Water Guns

Ever since before Carter was born, all Tyler could talk about are things that he wanted to do with him and what kind of toys he wanted to buy him. Christmas is one of the hardest times for Tyler, whether he shows it or not. It seems like everywhere we go, he is picking up big toys saying "If Carter were here..." He smiles when he says it because I can tell he thinks about the fun he would be having, but you know it has to hurt him deep down. There really isn't much to say about it. It is what it is.

It's a feeling that cannot be explained, nor can be understood by anyone who has never experienced something like this. I have said that so many times that it is probably becoming annoying. But it's true. It's hard. There is no other word that fits the situation as much as...hard. Everyone who is able to buy toys for their child(ren) this year, cherish it. You don't know how lucky you are. You really cannot imagine your life without them.

So, we will just have to settle with our imaginary moments, what we think things would be like, and be thankful that we DO know where to find him. We are only spending our days without him in our presence. He is still...and always...in our hearts.

We love you, Carter Greyson Shaw!! Merry 2nd Christmas, baby!!!

"Be happy"... I know, easier said than done

Overall, I am happy with my life. I have a wonderful family and great set of friends. I have a great job. I have a roof over my head. Food on the table. Gas in the car. Money to pay bills (even though I don't have much left over when I do). I have so much more than some people have. But sometimes it is still hard to be completely happy with life. I think that I have too high of expectations for people and for things in my life. I get this picture in my head of what things are supposed to be like and if things do not go that way, then I am a little disappointed, I guess. I finally brought it back up to my doctor that I need something to calm my nerves. I have yet to try both sets of medication that he put me on, but that was more like my mom telling me how one of them might affect me seeing as how she knows how medication treats me. For the most part, I am doing really well. I have only had 2 days since I have been on it that I felt like it didn't really work. It's not a cure-all so I am not a totally new person, but I feel like there has been a major change since I have been on it. One thing that I dreaded being on medication was feeling tired all of the time and being sick at my stomach the first week that I was on it. I also thought that I could just make myself be happy. Like I said, it's easier said than done. "1...2...3...Be happy." Yeah right. It doesn't work that way. Ignoring the problem(s) doesn't work. Period. There are so many good things in my life, but because I have let the bad override the good, I couldn't focus on what was important. In a sense, I was ruining my life. I was pushing everyone away that was important to me. I am proud that I finally took the first step in helping myself. That was to accept that I needed help to be happy. One thing that I want people to know is that you cannot rely on people to make you happy. If you are unhappy on the inside, there is nothing that people can do to change that if you have a chemical imbalance. You cannot make someone be happy. You have to be happy with yourself to be completely happy with someone else. I am on my way to be a happier daughter, a happier sister, a happier wife, a happier friend, a happier teacher, a happier co-worker... a happier person.

30 days of thankfulness- Wrap up

To end this month of thankfulness, I would just like to say that I am thankful for my family. That has been the bulk of what this month was about. I would not be where I am right now without my family. My friends are very important to me, but my family will always be there for me. Friends come and go. I was able to see the full proof in that last March. I am proud of my family. They bring so much warmth to my heart and a big smile to my face. I can't thank God enough for blessing me with such a wonderful group of people in my life. Thank you, infinity.