Another Wonderful Christmas

Yesterday I posted a status that said "Family is everything to me. You can never give too many hugs, too many kisses, or too many "I love you's." This is how I always feel about my family, but during the holidays, I feel it even more. I have been so blessed with such wonderful families. We got great gifts and plenty of money to enjoy ourselves. That's not what it was about to me though. The older I get, the more I just want to be with my family. I am thankful for all of the wonderful gifts we recieved. But most of all, I am thankful for the love of our families and the time that we have been given to spend with them.

Merry Christmas!!

The Simple Things in Life

I have been thinking about starting a new blog or at least redesigning this one. Whenever I was thinking about the design on this one, I wanted to go simple and keep the name So Live Your Life. Someone said "You know that's a Rhianna song?" Yes, I am very aware of that. But listen to the lyrics. I still have to make the paper, but I live my life. There are some rough patches along the way, but overall, I enjoy my life. Tyler has saved me from leading such a sheltered life. He has opened my eyes to new things. Things that I might not have been exposed to without him. I am thankful for each and every moment that I have spent with him. Even the not-so-good moments. They have all been learning experiences.

I just wanted to take some time and list things that make me smile on a daily basis. The things that keep me going are the small...simple things in life.

• My kids. The funny things they say. The look on their face and the excitement in their voice when they accomplish something and learn something new.
• Tyler. He is always able to make me laugh with the random and funny things that he does. He has a contagious personality. He doesn't even know how funny he is.
• My cat. Same goes with him. He has a wonderful personality. He entertains himself half of the time. He is also the most photogenic animal I have ever seen.
• Kristen. She been there unconditionally for me I don't know how many times. She is a true friend and a blessing in my life.
• My mom. She is always there for me. My life would be horrible without her. I don't even know if I could live life like this without her.
• My sister. She is one of my best friends and is always there if I need to talk. I can't imagine my life without her either.
• I like reminiscing on funny memories, looking at old videos, looking at old pictures, hearing old stories (involving and not involving me).

Family Valentine's Dinner

Family Valentine's dinner was AWESOME!! It was very nice to be praised for the hours I put into preparing & cooking. I'm not a cooker. But tonight, I was!!

Green Bean Bundles & Pesto Chicken Rigatoni (me)
Homemade Mashed Potatoes, Corn, Dinner Rolls, & Salad (thanks Mom)

It felt good knowing my hard work paid off quickly. It made me happy. I actually teared up a little hearing several times how good I did. I know, I'm such a baby. 

But, all in all, a good night. Full tummies, a clean house, clean kitchen, laundry done. All free for time with hubbs tomorrow night!! 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, EVERYONE!!

Thanks To Those Who Serve Us.. & Their Families

My dad has been really heavy on my heart today.  I miss him everyday, but some days, his absense hits me hard.  I know that sounds weird to those who know me, because only 2 of my friends knew my dad.  Which obviously meant he wasn't around... ever!! But he is my dad, nevertheless, and I miss him.

My dad was a wonderful poet.  He was always writing.  It was his special talent.  I only have a few poems that he wrote, though.  One was personalized to me.  And the other one, we had published in the Arkansas Democrat Gazette for his final Christmas present.  He didn't really know what we had done at this point, but we thought it would be a nice thing to do. 

My dad wasn't in the armed forces, but he was a soldier.  He fought his battle of cancer for several years.  Fought until he couldn't fit anymore.  I have a few friends who have family in the military, all branches, and I thought they might like to read this.  He wrote this poem for the ones who fight for us and help us keep our freedom.

"They Gave Their Lives"

Some of our Veterans,

Fought hard and died.

Just to show,

They had some pride.

They fought for us,

High in demand.

To protect us,

And our land.

Some come home,

Others were lost.

Many bad feelings,

Many tossed.

God be with their families,

Kids and wives.

It was for us,

They gave their lives.

-David P. Long

Picture courtesy of Google Images

Thanks to all that serve our country and to the families who support them.

We truly ARE the "Home of the Brave."

GOD BLESS

Tocophobia

Tocophobia- the fear of being pregnant... (Don't laugh)

I've always wanted children. Or at least I thought so. I don't know. It's all a confusing situation. Honestly, I'm scared of being a mother. But if I never choose to have children, I'm afraid I'll regret it. I'm afraid of a lot of things. And instead of people supporting me, I get the "well, you'll grow out of that." Maybe so. Probably so. But who is to say? I can't help my fears. It's not like this is riding a bike for the first time. This is about changing my life forever. Both of our lives. Taking care of another life that needs so much.

Fears:
•Gaining weight... I've never weighed more than 125 lbs.. (call me stupid)
•Giving up our freedom... Once he/she is in there, there's no going back. You have to see it til the end. We love living our life- just us two. We enjoy our time together. Our selfish time.
•Are we right for the job?
•Will Tyler love our baby as much as he loved Carter? ...(we have had that talk, & as I suspected, I over thought it.. & I know he would love our baby the same.. The fear still remains though)
•Will I be able to carry to term without complications?
•Will we feel the obligation to tell him/her about Carter?
•Will I be able to see my baby grow up?
•Would my body be able to handle it? (I have been tested for lupus a few times, and nothing was actually confirmed, but I am not physically strong, and have serious aches and pains that are unexplained).
•Will we be ready?
•Will we be happy, or will I spend my first months or years with post pardum depression?

I know this sounds crazy, because those who know me know that I absolutely LOVE kids. I've worked in 3 daycares, and currently work with Pre-k. And I study Developmental Psychology. I love kids. That's just me. But, I'm only responsible for caring for them during the day. I don't do this 24/7. At 6pm, I come home to Tyler and it's just us. I don't have the responsibility of another life. And, yes, I'm sorry, it's a relief. I'd already posted in a previous post about now not being the time for a baby. But I never mentioned some of this. But the  basis of this is indeed fear. I fear becoming pregnant. I feel very guilty about it too. Almost all my friends have kids. I don't want to rob my family of the joy of being a grandparents, aunts, uncles, 2nd cousins, greats... Etc. And for Tyler to be able to experience a second at being a father. But, again, it makes me sick to think I could become pregnant. At least until I can get over or control my fears.

Thanks to those who support me. Sorry to those who this offends. I pray for myself that I will be able to overcome this fear of mine, and that we will get to experience parenthood one day, because I do want it, my fear just overpowers it.

Again, thanks for your dedication to reading this.. Sorry it was so long :)

There is a God... How Much Proof Do You Need?

A very close friend of mine from HSU introduced me the fabulous man you hear in this video. He came to our wedding, and I so wish I knew him better at the time. I wanted a wedding singer so bad. (My military singers had to back out a couple months before so I said forget it).

Anyway, I had been watching his YouTube uploads of songs people had been requesting him to sing. At this point, I had only heard him sing songs that were performed by male artists. I asked him if he could sing a song performed by a female vocalist. Before I saw his comment, I saw that he had uploaded "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. It was beautiful. I knew then that I wanted him to sing my favorite song which is "There is a God" by Leann Womack. Very few times can I hear this song without getting chills or a few tears.

This song means a lot to me. I've had the hardest time explaining to people why it hits me so hard just because I don't know how to word my thoughts correctly. Irony is probably the best word to describe it.

When Tyler got the call that Carter's mom was in labor, he headed to Russellville for the night. From about noon when he left until around 5PM when he got home after Carter was born, I heard this song 3 times. Once on YouTube and twice on the radio. From then on, I associated this song with Carter. After his death in August, I had no idea that this song was going to actually mean something. I ended up using part of the lyrics on a Christmas project that I created for Tyler. It all fell too into place. It was almost like... I don't know. It's had me wondering. But it's all too true. There is a God, and so
many things around to prove it.

WE MISS YOU SO MUCH, CARTER!! Your that proof that God is good!! SEE YOU AGAIN SOON, LITTLE MAN!!

The Original Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1s9l5EvHeQs&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Anthony's A Capella: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEnM5elRysk&feature=youtube_gdata_player

A Wonderful Christmas

This Christmas was wonderful!! Of course a few people were missing, and greatly missed, but we had a great time with our families. Friday night, we went to Dardanelle to my sister in laws, and had a great time, as usual. And Saturday, we had Christmas with my mom and sister. My uncle went to Huntsville, Alabama, where they had a good amount of snow on the ground christmas morning. It was Caleb's (9 years old) first time to see snow. We had lots of great food, movie time, and laughs over the past 3 days!! I enjoyed every bit of it. I know it's not about presents, but we all got a lot of good stuff. I've never had so much fun on Christmas as I did this year. I was so ready for it this year. It was kinda hard not having everyone together, and not having Carter, my dad, and my mother in law here. But it's ok. Part of Carter came back December 23rd. And my dad is everywhere I carry him, and Tyler and I went through old pictures of his mom a few nights ago. They were here. Just wish physically, ya know. Nevertheless, it was a great Christmas, as I said!! We already planned our Christmas tree for next year.... RAZORBACKS, baby!!!!!!! Can't wait. Hopefully we'll be in our new house by then. Which leads me to this... We're moving in June!! And WE ARE READY!! The most important thing in life is family. That's why. And the where is TBA!! Many happy Christmases to come :)) Hope everyones was great, too!!

To end, I want to congratulate our best friends Ashlyn Hammons & Justin Moore on their engagement.... It's about freakin time ;))) lol. Love y'all!!

Season of Thanks

Well, the Christmas party was fun. New friends joined us, which was good. A few bones were almost broken. Lol. But overall, a very good night. I love this time of year. Minus the freezing cold. But I love all the decorating, sitting on the couch all curled up watching a movie with no lights but the Christmas tree on. It's great. This is also the time of year where I start to miss those close to me though. I wish all of my family was close. But I am blessed to have them, close or far. I lose sight, a lot, of what matters most in my life. I think about it more when it's constantly being mentioned. And now, it is. I am thankful for the basic necessities, but mostly this year, I am thankful for my mom, sister, Tyler & also for my second family. We may not talk very often, but they accepted me very quickly. Made me feel like I had been part of the family for years. I am also thankful for my friends who have really shown their love and support for us the past several months. I am thankful for my JJ, too. Always a happy spirit. He is annoying and unruly sometimes, but he's my little love. And my best friend on 4 legs :). And this morning, my little bubba, daniel, wrecked his bike, and broke his collarbone. It coulda been a lot worse. I am thankful it wasn't. And I'm thankful it didn't happen on the interstate or something. Basically, yeah, I am thankful for the "little things.". THE SiMPLE THiNGS iN LiFE!!!

The Season of Love

Just wanna start by saying that being married to your best friend is AWESOME!! We couldn't be happier!! Saturday was just an amazing day.  And getting to celebrate with our family and closest friends was great!! I enjoyed every bit of it, even on 3 hours of sleep.  It doesn't feel much different, I guess because we were always together.  But the stress is gone.  It was so much fun and the best day of my life!!!                                                                                                 

Now were just preparing for Christmas.  Discussed with mom last night, and we're having Christmas at our place this year.  I'm so excited.  We put up our tree last night and it is so cute!! Financially permitting, we're also having a Christmas party this year!! I've always wanted to have one.  And I think this year, we should!! It's just gonna be an awesome rest of the year, and I am so blessed to be able to spend it with such wonderful friends, family, and my amazing husband!!!