Maternal Instincts?!?

Sara Blaffer Hrdy, a professor emeritus of anthropology at the University of California at Davis said, “A woman who is committed to being a mother will learn to love any baby, whether it's her own or not; a woman not committed to or prepared for being a mother may well not be prepared to love any baby, not even her own."


I'm not going to sit here and say that maternal instinct IS real, but there is a feeling there somewhere that I didn't have 5 months ago.  Not until Carter went into the hospital.  It was obvious that he would be placed in a new home after what happened.  DHS reassured us of that.  And when we heard that... relief!!! All Tyler said for a couple days was "That's my boy, he'll never be normal again."  He may have not ever led a normal life, but he was loved more than any human being I'd met in the past 21 years of my life.  And when I heard the words "We're gonna get him," it hit me.  I'm not a biological mother to any child.  But I was going to be a primary caregiver to my soon-to-be stepson.  Not only for the love of Tyler, but for the love of children period, I was willing to give up everything to help raise Carter.  And that joy was taken away from us.  I am not all too concerned with what people think about how I react to the situation.  Tyler understands and so do our closest friends.  That's all I care about.  No, Carter is not my son, but I am married to his father, which makes him a big part of my life, too.  Simple fact. 


Hrdy says: "Mothers do not automatically and unconditionally respond to giving birth in a nurturing way.”  She agrees that there are maternal responses, but thinks they are biologically conditioned, and doesn't consider it as an instinct. 


I haven't carried a baby for 9 months of my life.  So I don't know what it's like to have that bond.  And I never expect to automatically know what to do when the time does come.  It's a learning process, like anything else.  But I do respond to things in a much different way since July 25th.  I handle my babies at work a lot differently.  I handle all my younger children differently.  I have always been good with kids, and loved them all unconditionally, as if they were my own.  But I am a lot more protective of them now, I think. 


I don't want to start talking in circles, so I'm gonna wrap this up.  It was just a thought that was fresh on my mind, after talking to Tyler about it last night.  But, whether anyone agrees with me or understands, my thoughts are not going to change.  And like I said, the ones who are the closest to me, understand, and that's all that matters.