Writing has been my escape for a long time. I am a talker, but I don't always want to talk, especially when there is a chance that I might get a little emotional. My dad was a writer. I thank God that that was one thing that I inherited from him. I talk to him and other lost loved one a lot. Not verbally, most of the time, but on paper or in my head. I did, however, start a book of letters to Carter. Nobody except for my best friend, Kristen, knows about the book (before now obviously). I have been angry with my dad for most of my life because of how he was and because of his absense, but I forgave him (we'll get into that story another time). So I don't have a while lot to say to him. That doesn't mean that I don't miss him though. It just doesn't affect me like it does with Carter. I have Tyler who it affects more than he leads on. When it affects him, it affects me.
Wow, I just got way off subject.
Anyway, I find that when I write to people or write my feelings down, that I can release some of the hurt, anger, and sadness that I feel. I don't want everyone to know my feelings all of the time. I generally keep my emotions about the loss of a loved one silent. I feel like talking about it is pointless because it will not bring them back. I know that writing won't either, but it is the most private or easiest release that I have.
I know that I haven't posted in over a month, but I am going to try to get better. Mom and I have been extremely busy with orders and I have spent the majority of my time on Facebook and the other blog updating information and loading pictures. But I have been feeling cluttered inside lately, and I need to release some tension that I have.
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