I know that having children is one of those things that you either really plan for or it just happens. It's not one of those things that you want to rush. You want to be sure.
I am one that is not so sure.
Honestly, I believe that Tyler is ready to be a dad again whenever the time comes. It's not going to be a shock to him, and I know that he will be on board. But it's an ongoing struggle for me. I am about fed up with the "if you have doubts then you don't need to do it." Maybe, but that is the most annoying, most cliche thing that anyone can say. Unless you are going through the exact same thing (and even then, everyone handles it differently), you have no idea how emotionally draining it is wanting a child and knowing that you are not ready in some ways.
I have compiled a list of reasons of why I think that God is wanting us to wait (but being the impatient one that I am, I am having a hard time accepting them).
1. Money
2. Living arrangements
3. Still newly married
4. Still too young
Also, I started thinking about all of the other things that might be signs.
1. Carter doesn't want anyone is his room for a while.
2. Maybe the kids that I work with are the only kids that I need to deal with at the moment.
3. All of the problems that I am going through with my health.
And of course, I have my fears.
1. Miscarriage (I think this has to be my number one fear)
2. Eventually having to put my child in daycare.
3. Bad sickness.
4. Being able to trust ANYONE with my child.
I know what your thinking- This crazy lady is going to worry herself to death!!
But making lists like this about things that I do worry about, get the ideas out of my head just a little and relieves a little bit of the stress. If I can express how I am feeling and get my concerns out there, maybe someone will read over them and will be able to relate to me. Tyler always tells me not to stress about the things that I can't control. True, but this is a worry that guys don't experience like a girl does. They don't have the same responsibilities in the matter.
Anyway, so I said all of that to mean this- I'm just not sure!!! I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
all those fears are normal.. i gave birth to hunter when i was 20. i was unmarried and i was still going to school. i was living in a dorm untill a little before he was born. i worked ful time and went to school. i single parented pretty much the whole time. I refuse to put hunter in a daycare because i have phobias and fears. i misscarried. i saw that as a sign i wasnt ment to be a mom at that time. in some ways i still think i wasnt ready to be a mother. but i do what i can for hunter and he is taken care of very well taken care of. my living arrangements are aweful right now. and i cannot controll that. youre a "mother" you will worry over things you shouldnt be. i worry over the smallest things..
ReplyDeleteI love you! and you will ave children some day.. and its okay to be not ready! im not ready and my baby is about to turn two! god has a plan and if you are patient it will be layed out for you!