Something Missing- A Bittersweet Christmas

First of all, people need to quit saying that I shouldn't miss Carter.  Yeah, he wasn't my son, but it still affects me.  I am married to his father.  And not the father that the Russellville Courier referred to in yesterday's paper.  Tyler is his father, not Jon.  I've been there through all of this.  Supported him to the best of my ability.  This Christmas is going to be hard.  This would've been his first Christmas.  It's killing Tyler.  He can't even buy him presents for his first.  He is still part of our family.  This just sucks really bad.  Being robbed of the joy of all the years to come.  All the Christmases, Birthdays, etc.  My anger is back obviously.  Last Christmas was hard enough going with Tyler to his mom's gravesite.  Now we just have another visit.  It's so unfair.  Of course, int he middle of me being upset about him, it makes me miss my dad.  It's just unfair how much is missing from us.  It's our first Christmas as a married couple.  It's supposed to be happy, and it will be, but sad in so many ways too.  It'll be bittersweet, to say the least.  Your daddy and I love you babyboy.  Miss you.  Merry Christmas!!