One goal for 2012

2009 brought on the biggest change in my life... Tyler!! Ever since then, I have been up and down, all around. Emotionally and physically. I never experienced pain like I did until I got with him. This may sound bad so far, but it is not meant to be negative. I would not have wanted to spend this time with any other guy except Tyler. The pain that I have experienced has been part of his life as well. Everyone pretty much knows what I am talking about. Closer friends and family know the details. Ever since we decided to start dating, we have never split up. Not to say that we have not had our spats, but we don't believe that breaking up and getting back together a million times is what was best for us. We've turned out okay so far. We are doing great. When we got that call on July 25, 2010, both of our lives really changed forever. Forever for the sad, forever for the bad, forever for the good. We have obviously found the bad in not having Carter here, but we have learned to find the good in it. Some are things that people don't understand, and that is okay. We don't care about being judged about our true feelings. Everyone handles situations and pain differently. We have held onto a lot of anger due to the situation. Before Carter was born, after Carter was born, and after he passed away. There has just been a lot of hurt and anger. This is not something simple and easy to get over. Forgiveness is not something that can just be said and then it's done. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes prayers. It takes thought. This year in 2012, we plan to work on focusing more on the rememberance of Carter rather than holding onto and focusing on the anger that we might still be holding onto. We know that he would not want to see us unhappy. He knows there are going to be times that we slip into states of anger and upset, but overall, we plan on focusing on the positive this year. That is also easier said than done. Starting a new year is exciting and scary at the same time. It is hard to think that you find positive in something so tragic. It is also healthy. I am ready to tackle this challenge and carry on my positiveness with Tyler and work to be better people...for us and for Carter.

2012... Here we Go!!

New Year's Resolutions

Every year I make resolutions and I never keep them. Who ever really does? I'm sure there are a few that are very good at keeping up with their commitments; however, I am not one of them. I was indecisive about making resolutions for this new year, but I think that I will make a few simple ones. Some of them are personal and some horrible habits that I have that I need to break (I won't list those). But one of my big resolutions that I am making for myself is to not talk bad about people. It is one that we should all make. The cold hard honest truth about it though... it is hard!!! It is so easy to criticize people and to say what we think about someone or something whether it is nice or not. I will be the first to admit that I am the worst about it. I plan to change that.

If you ask anyone, they will say that one of their favorite things about me is that I am blunt and honest. I still hope that people see me as honest, but I don't want to be so blunt with people anymore. I don't want to be mean. I don't want people to see me as the "bitch" and so "cut throat" about stuff.

I think that it is a reasonable and doable resolution for the upcoming year. Feel free to put me in my place if I start to fail at it. Please do!!

As for the other resolutions that I am not naming, I will just say that not only will I be a nicer person, I will be a healthier person as well. I am just too embarrassed to name them.

Stay safe on New Year's Eve. Happy New Year's!!!